Maintaining a Clear Focus
I was feeling quite content before I got the news yesterday. The news being that myself and Army teammates were chosen to be one of the teams in Season 2 of the NBC production, "Spartan Ultimate Team Challenge." We will film the show in less than 3 weeks, no pressure lol.
When I say I was already feeling content, I mean that the delay between submitting the audition videos and hearing back was quite long. Now I have my ball and chain, aka my cell phone, even closer to my head than usual. I hope that my tumor-suppressing genes are working full-throttle. Wouldn't want to miss the producers calling or miss booking my flight. At this point, I don't even know where I will be flying. It just sounds cool and exotic, like for a few days I pretend I am a VIP.
At the start of this year, my insides were feeling stale. I knew it was a phase because there are always hard things to deal with in life. I didn't want to wish all my hard days away however it is often the gut's first reaction to just get through it any way that you can. But with friends getting sick and a great mentor of mine passing, I could not help but feel grief. There was also that pesky ankle injury that kept me from my running zen-time for many weeks.
In the midst of a bit of turmoil, I decided as I usually do after stressing far too much that I needed a more helpful approach. I started expressive writing which I found to be extremely helpful in reducing mind-clutter and stress. Basically I write whatever is on my mind until my mind is empty and then I tear up the paper (sorry environmentalists!). I also forced myself to get other physical activity, really any physical activity, that I could without making my injury worse. I love to move but I find when running hurts I start to lose interest in all movement. Weird brain.
I heard a very helpful quote a few days ago from the Tim Ferris podcast, I think the guy who said it is named Jerzy. He said, hard choices, easy life, easy choices, hard life. Simple. I can relate. The hard choices are clear to me because they are the very things I really don't want to do. The easy choices get me nowhere, actually more of a backslide than nowhere.
Happiness I think, comes from my attitude every day and being grateful for what I have. It is not suffering or selling out my future self to be content with what I have now. External success is nice to experience and I do tend to share with family and friends because I enjoy watching others succeed. Sometimes success is a product of a good internal environment but this is not always a direct correlation. There are many things outside of our control.
I say this because I have loving family and friends who are very supportive. I also know how I view others is often different than how I view myself. I will downplay my hard work in the same breath that I cheer for someone else's. It's an ego thing I'm guessing and I just have to work with it. What I know is that it is a choice to focus on our inner beings so that we continue to bring good things into the world. What does success of any kind mean if you're the only one enjoying it? Damn well nothing is what it means.
So when I got the phone call yesterday I was very grateful. What a cool opportunity. However this is in the context of understanding that this is not about me, my hard work, or how awesome I think I am. I let myself feel excited for a couple hours and then I toned it back down. Why? Am I really weird and obsessed with being stoic all the time? Not exactly.
I really want to live the same philosophy every day despite the external world. Fun, cool, amazing opportunities are still a test, it's just a slightly different kind of test. It's clear that tragic life events are a test, boy howdy, they suck big time. But I also think of great opportunities as a test, it's just a different package. We can lose ourselves in the good and the bad in life and become too attached to outcomes or expectations, especially once we start to identify with things. When I naturally get excited about opportunities, which I have had many over the years, I say to myself, I am not anything. Seems a little weird but hear me out. What I am saying to myself is that I am not anything in particular. I can change at any moment and do something else. I am reminding myself of my freedom.
The tide will go up and down, the seasons will change, expectations will not manifest, and sometimes we will get knocked down really, really hard. I'll make it a point to enjoy all of life, the plateaus at least as much as the mountain tops. I think about my coach and mentor. She would probably celebrate this fun opportunity for exactly one minute and then tell me to get off my ass and do something productive. Thanks Coach K.
When I say I was already feeling content, I mean that the delay between submitting the audition videos and hearing back was quite long. Now I have my ball and chain, aka my cell phone, even closer to my head than usual. I hope that my tumor-suppressing genes are working full-throttle. Wouldn't want to miss the producers calling or miss booking my flight. At this point, I don't even know where I will be flying. It just sounds cool and exotic, like for a few days I pretend I am a VIP.
At the start of this year, my insides were feeling stale. I knew it was a phase because there are always hard things to deal with in life. I didn't want to wish all my hard days away however it is often the gut's first reaction to just get through it any way that you can. But with friends getting sick and a great mentor of mine passing, I could not help but feel grief. There was also that pesky ankle injury that kept me from my running zen-time for many weeks.
In the midst of a bit of turmoil, I decided as I usually do after stressing far too much that I needed a more helpful approach. I started expressive writing which I found to be extremely helpful in reducing mind-clutter and stress. Basically I write whatever is on my mind until my mind is empty and then I tear up the paper (sorry environmentalists!). I also forced myself to get other physical activity, really any physical activity, that I could without making my injury worse. I love to move but I find when running hurts I start to lose interest in all movement. Weird brain.
I heard a very helpful quote a few days ago from the Tim Ferris podcast, I think the guy who said it is named Jerzy. He said, hard choices, easy life, easy choices, hard life. Simple. I can relate. The hard choices are clear to me because they are the very things I really don't want to do. The easy choices get me nowhere, actually more of a backslide than nowhere.
Happiness I think, comes from my attitude every day and being grateful for what I have. It is not suffering or selling out my future self to be content with what I have now. External success is nice to experience and I do tend to share with family and friends because I enjoy watching others succeed. Sometimes success is a product of a good internal environment but this is not always a direct correlation. There are many things outside of our control.
I say this because I have loving family and friends who are very supportive. I also know how I view others is often different than how I view myself. I will downplay my hard work in the same breath that I cheer for someone else's. It's an ego thing I'm guessing and I just have to work with it. What I know is that it is a choice to focus on our inner beings so that we continue to bring good things into the world. What does success of any kind mean if you're the only one enjoying it? Damn well nothing is what it means.
So when I got the phone call yesterday I was very grateful. What a cool opportunity. However this is in the context of understanding that this is not about me, my hard work, or how awesome I think I am. I let myself feel excited for a couple hours and then I toned it back down. Why? Am I really weird and obsessed with being stoic all the time? Not exactly.
I really want to live the same philosophy every day despite the external world. Fun, cool, amazing opportunities are still a test, it's just a slightly different kind of test. It's clear that tragic life events are a test, boy howdy, they suck big time. But I also think of great opportunities as a test, it's just a different package. We can lose ourselves in the good and the bad in life and become too attached to outcomes or expectations, especially once we start to identify with things. When I naturally get excited about opportunities, which I have had many over the years, I say to myself, I am not anything. Seems a little weird but hear me out. What I am saying to myself is that I am not anything in particular. I can change at any moment and do something else. I am reminding myself of my freedom.
The tide will go up and down, the seasons will change, expectations will not manifest, and sometimes we will get knocked down really, really hard. I'll make it a point to enjoy all of life, the plateaus at least as much as the mountain tops. I think about my coach and mentor. She would probably celebrate this fun opportunity for exactly one minute and then tell me to get off my ass and do something productive. Thanks Coach K.
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