To my coach and mentor

Before my final cross-country race in high school you wrote, "One step at a time, one breath at a time, and all will fall into place."

Today you passed away into another life. I have many of your words lying around…in letters and emails. I have not looked at some of them for some time but I am bringing them out today for others to see.

I remember what I thought of you as a student in middle school. You came to coach the girls’ athletics class and I remember your stern face as you both encouraged and corrected us. I always worked my hardest when you were watching. When I found out you were the cross-country coach at the high school, I decided to sign up my freshman year. I was nervous but I had faith in you as a coach.

I remember standing in line to the restroom before my very first cross-country race. You looked at me and said, “you’ll be running varsity today.” I didn’t feel ready and tried to hide my nerves but you always knew how I felt. When I won a race for the first time later that season you showed me the local newspaper photo and said, “strong effort but see how you lost your form at the end?” Every day was an opportunity to learn something new.

“No mountain is too high for you to climb” you always told me. I didn’t always have my own confidence so I relied on yours.

You knew I’d be nervous before each race but you told me your expectations anyway. You led me to four district titles and four trips to state, which is unheard for most cross-country runners. When I struggled with a severe but benign abdominal pain my senior year, you didn’t let me give up on the season. “I expect that you can get top 3 in this race” you told me at Needville as I stood buckled over in pain at the starting line. That may sound cruel but you knew me well. If I was well enough to show up for the race, I was well enough to run. And if I was well enough to run, I might as well run as hard as ever. I nearly won the race that day, just a few yards short.

You were by my side when I signed my intent to run for Lipscomb University. When I wondered if I’d be any good in college you said, “You don’t know what you can do until you try.” To the prospect of failure you said, “Sometimes you take one step forward and two steps back.” So simple and over-stated even, but from you they meant the world. You believed I could make it four years of running in college and you wanted to see me give it my all. Many years later I contacted you when a classmate of mine committed suicide and you told me. “Your world has been turned upside down. Another sign that you are all grown up, and in the "big world". You will take it day-by-day, sometimes smiling bravely, sometimes tearing up at the smallest reminders of how quickly things change. You will have successful week after successful week, because that's the kind of person you are.” 

And of course I believed you.

What I remember most about you is that you challenged me every day. You never let me rest on success. Hard work was the only guarantee I had in life. I had to earn confidence. I learned to make sacrifices, to be a leader, to be true to myself, and to never, ever give up. You were my mentor for so many years. You always had my best interest in mind but didn’t mind to disappoint me if that’s what I needed to get better.

“Keep your chin up and your eyes forward, the best is yet to come.” you wrote.

I wouldn't be who I am today without you. It's so hard to say goodbye. Of course we all know that you are far too young to leave this earth. I have so much more to share and celebrate with you. But for now I will honor all those lessons and I will honor the desire within to always be better. I will never forget what you taught me. More than that, I will try to live up to the person you've always known me to be.

How I wish you were here now to tell me again, “Take care and remember to smile, even when things seem overwhelming.”

I love you coach.
-=Racecar Sam