June 16, 2014 (unpublished)
You know we all feel crazy some days. Today was one of those days. After cramming my weekend with fun but physically exhausting events I was drained of most of my energy. And then I finished a long day in the office of our DCCS so that he could sign my ETS paperwork since I am one year away from leaving active duty.
Am I crazy to leave?
Career success was never a major life goal. I need to earn a paycheck. I want to help people. But I don't need to be rich in monetary assets. And I am not a peg that fits perfectly into a spot you chose. I think that my life goals are aligning differently than the path the active duty Army would take me. But this is just a thought, a gut feeling more than a fact.
I'm pretty sure this is just how life works. Please don't ever give your children the idea that a "stable" job is the key to happiness. Don't tell them that if they just make the "wise and expected choice" they will be happy. Don't. I think if you have a dream you have to go for it. And in life it is possible to lose everything no matter how stable you feel right now, much like Job (bible reference) lost everything. And yet despite the pain, Job was still expected to love God just the same because the truth is that Job didn't really own anything and neither do we. I'm not sure that we earn half the things we think we earn.
Our beliefs about ourselves, the world, and what we feel we are entitled to will shape the answers to our greatest questions.
But today is all that we have. And so even as I try to plan and work towards a future that is more in line with my dreams and my heart's desire, I understand that it may not work out. If I am to make the most of this short existence, I can only live today. Some days I worry about the future, but I know this is futile and a waste of my energy. I understand that I might fail miserably. Not all dreams come to pass. But I think there is a reason that I am on this journey, in part, because no reason defies all my logic. And it would be a mistake to say that because it's hard and uncertain that I should not go forth, embrace change, and work towards what I love. The truth is that I am no more crazy than the person standing to my left and to my right. Many will say to play it safe but I am not convinced this is the best way to live. As long as I draw breath I am not safe from the realities of life.
I am not some peg you can just place into whatever spot you chose. I am loaded with details and nuances, problems, successes, strengths and weaknesses. We all are. And it's okay! I think modern life has attempted to depress us about it so they can sell us snake oil to clear that depression right up! How about a new outfit, or a new car, new house, new family, or a pill...
On the inside I am not perfectly together on this, but then I know that I don't have to be. I just have to live today, remembering what is most important to me. And I don't have to buy what anyone is selling me, a load of empty words, about how nothing will change and I am fighting a losing battle. They've already given up. But I am stubborn as hell. I won't be put on autopilot.
Am I crazy to leave?
Career success was never a major life goal. I need to earn a paycheck. I want to help people. But I don't need to be rich in monetary assets. And I am not a peg that fits perfectly into a spot you chose. I think that my life goals are aligning differently than the path the active duty Army would take me. But this is just a thought, a gut feeling more than a fact.
I'm pretty sure this is just how life works. Please don't ever give your children the idea that a "stable" job is the key to happiness. Don't tell them that if they just make the "wise and expected choice" they will be happy. Don't. I think if you have a dream you have to go for it. And in life it is possible to lose everything no matter how stable you feel right now, much like Job (bible reference) lost everything. And yet despite the pain, Job was still expected to love God just the same because the truth is that Job didn't really own anything and neither do we. I'm not sure that we earn half the things we think we earn.
Our beliefs about ourselves, the world, and what we feel we are entitled to will shape the answers to our greatest questions.
But today is all that we have. And so even as I try to plan and work towards a future that is more in line with my dreams and my heart's desire, I understand that it may not work out. If I am to make the most of this short existence, I can only live today. Some days I worry about the future, but I know this is futile and a waste of my energy. I understand that I might fail miserably. Not all dreams come to pass. But I think there is a reason that I am on this journey, in part, because no reason defies all my logic. And it would be a mistake to say that because it's hard and uncertain that I should not go forth, embrace change, and work towards what I love. The truth is that I am no more crazy than the person standing to my left and to my right. Many will say to play it safe but I am not convinced this is the best way to live. As long as I draw breath I am not safe from the realities of life.
I am not some peg you can just place into whatever spot you chose. I am loaded with details and nuances, problems, successes, strengths and weaknesses. We all are. And it's okay! I think modern life has attempted to depress us about it so they can sell us snake oil to clear that depression right up! How about a new outfit, or a new car, new house, new family, or a pill...
On the inside I am not perfectly together on this, but then I know that I don't have to be. I just have to live today, remembering what is most important to me. And I don't have to buy what anyone is selling me, a load of empty words, about how nothing will change and I am fighting a losing battle. They've already given up. But I am stubborn as hell. I won't be put on autopilot.
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